Have I Ever Told You That I Grew Up in a Sports-crazed Family With Five Kids?

Thirty years ago, when I played football, hockey, golf, and lacrosse year round, our dad was an enthusiastic sports parent. He often impeached us to play harder and live up to our abilities. He was quick to express his frustration with referees and coaches.

Our dad was so into our games, he couldn’t restrain himself. That was both good and bad for the five of us. We liked all the attention, but often felt pressured to perform better – and better!

Now that I am a sports parent myself to two children, I understand just how difficult it is for parents—like my dad—to figure out how best to support and help their kids in sports. And as a leading sports psychology expert, I’ve been studying this issue for many years.

Sports parents today have many tough questions to ponder: Should you push kids to try harder in sports when you know they have the athletic ability? What do you say or do after your child or teen’s crushing defeat?

What to do if your daughter worries constantly about what others think of her sports performance? How do you behave on the sidelines when you’re frustrated with coaches or referees? These are hard questions, and the answers aren’t always obvious.

As a sports parent or youth sports coach, you have an important impact on your kids in sports. Your support and communication can help kids improve their confidence and success in sports.

You need to be there to help kids weather the ups and downs of athletics. Young athletes who are pushed too hard and experience negative coaching are more likely to drop out of sports altogether. It’s your job to evaluate and communicate with their coaches in ways that ensure your athletes’ confidence is boosted—not crushed. What’s more, it’s your job be as positive as possible and to focus on fun. When kids are having fun, they also feel confident. Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.comWordpress Autoblogging Software

As a sports mom, mom and stepmom to four young athletes, age 8 to 19, one of my biggest challenges is understanding how to deal with coaches.

I’ve come in contact with every kind of coach imaginable. For example, I’ve wondered how to deal with the coach who favors his own child.

I’ve also struggled with coaches who, on the other end of the spectrum, can’t live without my young athlete—and insist on having my child play even when he’s sick or injured! These coaches have favored my young athlete in ways that upset other sports parents and players.

In addition, I’ve had to cope with coaches who are sometimes grouchy, have bad days, or dish out negative feedback in ways that hurt young athletes’ feelings. I even had to decide what to do about a coach who was abusive.

Understanding how to deal with these coaches is not easy as a sports parent.

I worry that if I choose to speak up, I may interfere in a way that creates friction between my kids and their coaches. On the other hand, if I don’t intervene, my kids could get hurt or lose confidence.

Knowing when and when not to intervene is a really tough decision for a sports parent. I don’t want the coach to walk away with the idea that I think my child deserves special treatment. But at the same time, I want to protect my child as much as possible.

When should you intervene and have a talk with the coach? Here are some scenarios:

• When your child and the team are not having any fun

• When your child complains about how negative or mean the coach is

• When your child is forced to practice and play when injured

• When the coach threatens to bench your child for making mistakes, which may undermine your child’s confidence and increase his or her fear of failing.

If you decide to talk to your child’s coach about one of the above issues, make sure you pick the right moment. Don’t do it at half-time of the regional play-offs or in the middle of practice! Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.comemail archiving

In my 15 years as a sports parent, one of the most difficult challenges I ever faced was dealing with an abusive coach. My son was a 7th grader who loved basketball more than anything in the world, and his coach was a nightmare. He yelled at the boys, threw basketballs at them, and called them names.

None of the other parents of the team were willing to call up the coach and question his style. Why? They were afraid the coach would bench their sons or cut their playing time.

As a sports parent–especially if you’re a parent to an elementary or middle-school aged child–it’s your job to ensure your children are in good hands. Before you even sign your kids up for a team, it’s entirely appropriate and reasonable to interview the coach. You should ask potential coaches about their philosophy and how they handle playing time.

That’s not all you can do. If your young athletes are already part of a team, but don’t seem happy with the coach, you need to do some research. Is the coach always unhappy with your athlete’s performance, no matter how well she performs? Does the coach criticize your child constantly, or dwell on mistakes? Is your child withdrawn or quiet around the coach? If so, you need to take action.

You can begin by discussing your worries with the coach. Don’t yell at the coach, call him names or blame him. Simply state your concerns and see how he responds.

When my son’s coach said, “I’m trying to ensure the boys are tough enough to play in high school and you need to stop babying them,” I wasn’t happy. It was time to find another coach.

If you can’t find another coach, it’s appropriate for you to consider coaching your own team. Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.comWordpress Autoblog Plugin